In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
