tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
