i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
