Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
