Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
