i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
