Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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