He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
