Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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