My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We just shotgunned beers for America
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
