i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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