I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
