mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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