i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ok first of all what the fuck
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
