I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
