Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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