It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
