I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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