i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
