Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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