I accidentally burped into my bong.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
