I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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