Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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