we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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