see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
