Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
