You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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