Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
