Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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