my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
