Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
