Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
