you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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