Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
