She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
