my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
