He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
