Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
