just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
