her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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