Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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