Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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