Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
