3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
