I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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