I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
FUCK WHALES
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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