i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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