were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
