Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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