I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
