i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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