too bad you live with your parents still
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
