areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
