bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
