you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
